Strongest in the business (BRIAN’S INSIDES CONCLUDES)
When I started this story, i was a spent force, mentally. Then I caught Covid and was a physical wreck too. What you see before you are the embers of my empire. At the time of writing I feel a lot better. Thank you for reading despite these headwinds. The action returns to badmachinery.com with a new SOLVER story next week.
Mini-series request: “Fitzpatrick & McGraw – Handymen”.
YES! We need this ultimate alliance!
So… a new potty and Billie no longer cares whether Brian dies? That’s kinda cold, Bil.
Life and death are meaningless concepts when your arsehole is being blowdried, I’m sure.
I respectfully disagree. Loving Brian means accepting he’s going to live hard and die messily.
I agree. This seems adorable and just what I need this week.
That’s Billie, though. Always trying to do good, but not necessarily with the right motives. She joined the Church Of Satan for a reason, you know 😀
Awww. This may be the sweetest thing Brian has ever done.
Last panel is pure comedy gold. Impossible to see without laughing. Still, Billie is truly happy and adorable♡. Good work Warlock Fitzpatrick and thanks John Allison for this little story..
Brian knew Billie’s true movies better than she did herself. And also that a bathroom renovation would be easier than living with her trying to make him change for the rest of his life.
Plus, he’s undoubtedly tired of installing a new toilet every year, but is also aware that Billie would not be too keen on using what is basically a prison toilet.
That is the kind of research and service we’ve come to expect from JA.
I initially assumed the toilet brands were made-up, but it turns out these are faithful renderings of two actual toilet models. (And yes, the Toto toilet really does play bird songs.)
I’ve heard of Japanese models that have birdsong buttons, but a buttdryer for the built-in bidet was news to me.
The blow-dryer comes standard on the Washlet bidet-conversion toilet seat.
I have a Toto toilet! It doesn’t do birdsong or blow drying though – pretty much a bog standard model 😇
Haha, good one!
I see what you did there. You should be asshamed of yourself.
Is there a Toto toilet that plays Toto songs?
This has been a rope thrown to me in the well. A well named Rona. I’m trying to say that I have the vids and this made me feel better. Now I’m going back to bed.
recover well and quickly!
Hope you feel better soon!
lmao this has been a good short story.
Brian proves that while his guts may be a potential disaster zone, his heart definitely is not.
(Although from a cardiac standpoint…)
I see no plumbing! Do I have the angle wrong or is Brian’s bowl just attached to the side of the bath? Or is this a free-standing commode? (I’m sure Brian would not be squeamish about emptying it)
The plumbing is boxed off behind, you can buy cisterns and all sorts for such a set up. You’ve seen this.
Hats off to Brian — my TOTO A200 Washlet has restored order to my universe, righted all wrongs and constitutes sunshine on a cloudy day. And now I’m jealous that it doesn’t play birdsong.
Tweets from the toilet, appropriate considering the shit that’s on twitter.
This was perfect, John, and I’m delighted you’re feeling better. Throwing off a mental and physical fug is hard work but the Toilet Saga is proof you can do it.
All your comics are wonderful. I enjoyed this story as much as any you have written.
Please don’t take it down! Believe in us, who believe in you!
The love of fans like you has ensured that this tale is preserved for the ages.
Snoopy (the other Snoopy; get your mind out of the toilet, erhm, gutter) Happy Dance!
Hello,
this is the perfect solution which is so much in line with the character of Brian.
I would love to know what/how he would do as a babysitter.
Kind regards
Zaphod
Washes and blowdries your arsehole. What a way to start the day!
This story was….satisfying.
A hint: Don’t spring for the bottle brush attachment.
It may seem like money well spent, but in the long run the time you waste using it will never recoup the cost.
All’s well that ends well… Brian is clearly a multi-talented individual: warlock, creature whisperer, bassist, tattooist and master plumber!
Billie means well, and if the road to hell is paved with good intentions, that’s where Satanists want to be, right?
Looking forward to being back in Tredregyn soon, but I’ll see you over on the Solver side next week.
I’m strangely pleased that this storyline about poop, blood, and guts ends with a burst of mechanical birdsong on demand. Well done, Mr. Allison.
I do love that Warlock Brian. One of those down to earth sorts, who don’t look like much, but are actually humble, big hearted geniuses.
I’m sorry that you’re not feeling well – glad to hear recovery is looming!
However, I think your apologies are unwarranted. This was a fun storyline and now I have a new upsetting euphemism to trot out as needed. Maybe exchange your humble attitude for this one?
“IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE ME AT MY WORST THAT IS FINE I AM A TERRIFYING AND POWERFUL THING AND ALL SHOULD LIVE IN FEAR” – Not a Wolf (Dan Sheehan)
I can’t wait until we go back to Tredregyn once again!
Would you ever consider doing a Feats Of Strength: Tredregyn fan comic contest? I always admired your guest comic runs back in the day. I feel this time I might even have become artistically accomplished enough to enter.
I wonder if the birdsong is for those very easily embarrassed people who might otherwise waste water by running the tap as “auditive camouflage”? Or is it such as a congratulatory flourish after a job well done – and a trumpet fanfare was though a bit on the nose?
Nice little story. Sincerely hoping for a quick return to Tredregyn
Aww, bless(ed be) Brian! A man with the confidence to DIY in slippers, which us lesser souls would never do thanks to a fear of dropping things on our feet.
This was a fine trip to Tredegyn, John, thank you! Hope you’re recovering from the ‘rona quickly.
I want both of these toilets