Overuse of microwave
The classic “Rules Of The Pool” poster is never far from my thoughts. I even made a Bad Machinery version, years ago, which is still available. This version is closer to the original, but takes far greater liberties.
STEEPLE – A Scary Go Round Comic
by John Allison
now I wish Maggie will take the challenge just like Lottie did back then
Back then, in the GoComics sequence.
Look, that pig is *extremely* decorous. He wore a top hat and everything!
Top hats and monocles – that’s what he likes!
Oooh a sgr deep cut
Agree. That’s pig discrimination!
It’s not the pig, it’s the lass – that curvy staff, that curvy staff…
But can she tit about on ladders?
*I* don’t see it in the pamphlet. Must be OK!
I agree. Titting about on ladders is permissible.
I’d imagine titting of all kinds remains a Maggie Warren specialty.
One of my all time John Allisons.
Titting about on ladders has always been permitted, just *advised* against.
“If you must tit about, follow these titting safety guidelines.”
I made my own “don’t tit about on ladders” sticker for the ladder at work.
That job closed down a couple of weeks ago, boss only spotted the sticker as we were packing up the shop.
Someone needs to tell Mrs. Clovis and/or her artist that her notions of VR and VR fornication are quite outdated.
Teledildonics really hasn’t progressed much since the ’80s.
But if she can do all of them in one day she levels up and everything is forgiven
Or she’s banned from every cottage in the UK.
It’s kind of a gamble– roll snake eyes and you’re not even allowed out of the sewers
Tibkins onesie on Topatoco when
I’m glad the pig made it to the party.
I cannot help but notice that these rules do not exclude ALL parties, only stand-up parties.
Stand-down parties are okay.
As are sprawled-out-on-the-floor parties!
I think Mrs Clovis would classify those as “fornication”.
Sprawled, but in a very chaste, non-touching sort of way.
but stand-up is how you get started to sprawled-out-on-the-floor :}
Please note that both “Fornication” and “Modern Acts of Fornication That I Wouldn’t Recognize” appear to be carried out while the participants are standing.
Since they are smoking, which is cultural shorthand for “we just had s- er, engaged in fornication”, I assume that the fornication in both cases occurred BEFORE the picture we see. I doubt Mrs Clovis would condone drawing pictures of fornication actually occurring, in any case. So, we don’t know if they were standing or not while the fornication was actually taking place.
But how many of us get out of bed after fornication and stand around smoking?
Especially side-by-each.
I think in Mrs Clovis mind, that’s how it works. Especially among devil-worshiping heathens (or former devil-worshiping heathens).
“Take care of this arty cottage.”
“Notice that there is no ‘p’ in it. Let’s keep it that way.”
And make sure you don’t clog the lumbing!
This page made me burst out laughing. I really, really needed this. Thank you. (And who invited Des to the stand-up party?)
He can stand just fine. But can you stand him?
No one invite Des, but he somewhere always manages to go inside and stay until the morning.
Wondering who the dapper frogman is tbh
I think that may be Frog, having recently broken up with Toad and now on the make.
I thought Frog and Toad were FRIENDS.
Maggie is rightfully impressed by Mrs Clovis’ ability in drawing. So, that’s Mrs Clovis secret sin of the past. Being a… a comics drawings!? That’s so horrible!
Mrs Clovis’s dark secret is that she actually was the ghost drawer for over half of the artists on 2000AD. She has been sworn to secrecy and hidden away in Cornwall because if the truth emerged that all these cool’n’edgy countercultural rebels were just a front for a Christian grandma then the scandal would shatter the British comics industry and all we’d have left to read would be Commando reprints.
A Christian grandma with a very intense internal life.
Please tell me you’re going to sell prints of this.
Hey, paleontology is allowed!
That’s going to be a wild party, no bones about it!
We can dig it.
Bring a carbon date!
I’m confused. How can one engage in fornication without petting first? Hence isn’t “Fornication” redundant?
Also, “Fornication” is only between two individuals who are not married. So presumably Maggie could get married, do the humpty-dance, then get divorced/annulled the next day at Frank’s 24 hour wedding chapel and annullery. (I may have just invented a second career for myself.)
Ah. The classic Shakespearian phrase, “Get thee to an annullery!”
They’re not near enough to Las Vegas to pull this off, I wager.
There’s always Gretna Green.
Oooh, is that a Zambian VR Fornicatron Pro? I remember that unveiling keynote very well. (mops forehead) Very, VERY well.
Doesn’t ‘Skylarking’ cover pretty much everything else other than sitting down with a nice cup of tea and a Clotted Crime boxset?
Not being familiar with the term “Skylarking”, I looked it up. Merriam Webster has “to run up and down the rigging of a ship in sport”. This raises even more questions.
Skylarking originally described the practice of bored sailors playing around in a ship’s rigging, which was frowned upon because sometimes they’d damage the rigging, or fall and get hurt.
It has since evolved to mean any kind of gaily performed tomfoolery (not to be confused with Tom-Foolery, the Magus’ upcoming one-man Satanic comedic revue and tour de force) in which bored idiots might accidentally damage the surrounding environment or themselves.
I remember the word from the Patrick O’Brien novels. The younger lieutenants (as young as 14 IIRR) liked to climb about on the rigging and perform daring deeds. This was extremely risky on a moving ship (heck, even a stationary one), and detrimental to morale.
“Skylarking” is also the name of an excellent XTC album, but never mind that.
O’Brien 👊!
Also, bonus XTC fist 👊! If you had thrown in a reference to, say, NTP, it would have hit a DM trifecta.
I have always absolutely loved these “The classic “Rules Of The Pool” poster is never far from my thoughts. I even made a Bad Machinery version”, together with the British Ladder Council poster.
“Don’t tit about on ladders” is far better advice than the standard pictures on the side of ladders that nobody reads
My question is: is there anything in the space under the inset comic panel? Does the pamphlet just have a blank space there? Or is there one more rule, too shocking to reveal?
Underneath the panel is the rule “no eating biscuits without a plate”
New poster please.
I’m impressed that Mrs Clovis apparently went to the expense of having the pamphlet professionally produced.
Also, are those censor bars diegetic?
The one on the left is non-diegetic, whereas the one on the right come as an additional accessoir to the Zambian VR Fornicatron Pro!
She had the pamphlet made by her nephew Will, who is “arty”. The censor bars are obviously actually on the art because Mrs C would not publish a NSFW pamphlet.
Did Will do the work “for the exposure?”
If it were for the exposure, it wouldn’t have the censor bars.
I wish I could give you more than one thumb up!
Will shows some promise, but he has far to go to match your skills.
For instance, I’m sure you would have increased the space between rows to ensure readers would not be confused about which captions are meant for which images.
Everyone’s a critic
Don’t listen to Chris. This is one of the most perfect comics pages I’ve ever seen. You should hire Mrs Clovis’ nephew Will to illustrate all your comics from now on.
I agree with Alaric, this is one of my favorite pages in awhile!
The style reminded me heavily of something that I couldn’t put my finger on, and finally I hit on it:
It feels very much like a collection of old Sergio Aragones gags from the margins of Mad.
There are few finer things I know in this life.
The poster seems to suggest she has been fornicating with a young Richard Nixon.
What is Maggie holding in “I’m struggling here”?
Some kind of German attachment, I think.
She’s trying to piece together some of the vacuum cleaner attachments from the previous page. That’s what she’s struggling with.
I do note that properly decorous, sit-down dinner parties seem to be allowed. So, contrary to expectation, there’s actually no blanket “no parties” rule. I’m sure the party Maggie’s going to throw will properly abide by the rules, right?
we have about a perfect forecast of “starts as a sit-down, decorous party and descends therefrom into chaos”
I’m guessing the breakage of rules will begin when a certain thoroughly non-decorous mustachioed individual shows up uninvited.
judging by the cover, and by an interlude in the previous story, I think it’ll be a certain pair of witches.
Now I wanna go skylarking!
With devil music, no less.
Having that pamphlet made shows some careful planning by Mrs. Clovis.
The road to heaven is rough and filled with obstacles. One must prepare oneself for all sorts of circumstances and opportunities.